Three Finger Anita

Tom Velarde
Golf Professional
Black Mesa Golf Club
La Mesilla, AZ

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I met Three Finger Anita (sounds like a mafia girl) with my bride when we were paired together for a casual round. 

As with all of us after the round, talk turned to the funny things that happen on the golf course and I heard two of the very funniest stories I have ever heard.

The first was Three Finger (we will get to that one a little later) and her experience as a novice golfer. Seems that they were at a very nice destination resort and nature called. She went into the ladies room to answer the call. Now this was when metal spikes were still the vogue and when she went to reach for the door her feet came out from under her and she literally slid under the door and into the stall. Upon hearing this I died laughing and asked what she did. Well, I was already almost all in so I just slid under the door and that was that. 

My sides hurt from the laughter and after a while she related the next one, the one that dubbed her Three Finger. Seems that she was playing after getting a manicure and new fingernails one morning. That afternoon while playing one of her companion’s complimented her on the color of the nails.  She thanked the compliment and then proceeded to tee up her ball to smash a driver.  

It seems that maybe, just maybe, the adhesive that was used may not have been good. I always kind of use my thumb and forefinger to tee up a ball with my middle finger holding the ball on the tee. Three finger was no different with the exception that her last three fingers would point towards the ground. Now when she pulled her hand back there standing at attention were three fingernails in a hue of purple proudly displayed on the perfect tee box. No breeze would make them gently wave, they just were three posts sticking in the tee. I again, busting with laughter, asked what she did. Well, I had to adjust my grip a little as now the nails no longer were digging into my palm on the golf swing. 

Could you imagine that one on ‘Caddy Shack’ with Carl Spackler doing the comedy? The poor mower would stop his or her mower and look for a body somewhere close. 

Golf gives us so much joy and can bring all walks of life together to just have a good laugh at the things we do. In today’s world I believe laughter could be the best medicine and I know that Three Finger must have more stories.

See you all at the 19th hole and I bet I will be the one laughing the loudest at the great and funny things that happen to us all. Remember sharing is caring.   

Tom Velarde is the Manager at Black Mesa Golf Club in Espanola, New Mexico, just northwest of Santa Fe. For more information or to reach Tom, email